week 24 // motherhood IRL

       The past two weeks have been CRAZY. I went on a major painting bender trying to get the nursery in order before vacation, and I've gotten so much done. I can't wait to get everything in its place and share my blood, sweat, and tears with you all!

       I was talking with a friend last week who just gave birth about a month ago, and she told me that her biggest complaint about motherhood is that nobody honestly shared with her just how HARD having a baby would be. And you know what? No one ever really does. I think there are a few main reasons that the dark and twisty of new parenthood isn't shared in detail. Number one:the veterans just straight up forget the struggle over time so that one day we can convince ourselves to do it all again. Number two: shame for not loving every second or being grateful for our tremendous blessings. Number three: no one really wants to listen until they are approaching parenthood, and then you don't want to scare them out of joining you in the trenches! So as incredibly blessed as I feel for getting to do this pregnancy thing all over again, I want to share in complete honesty how hard mothering a toddler (a teething one at that), and growing a human can be. 

       This is my mom-bod. I never thought my bare-belly was worth taking pictures of when I was pregnant before, and I hate that I only have one grainy shot of it from when I was in labor. So I'm starting to take belly-selfies in the mirror to have for myself. I have mega tan arms and shoulders from running 400 miles while pregnant. I may hate the tanlines, but I'm proud of what they represent. My hair is usually in a bun or braid of sorts to keep it out of my face and to make it look fresher longer. I only wear makeup and outfits if we are going out, which I didn't do yesterday. See those stretchmarks on my hip? They faded few months after having Violet, but they are back. They itch and they make me not want to wear a two-piece, but they remind me of how awesome it is that my body can grow to accommodate another little person. What a miracle. You can't tell so much here, but my belly button pokes out funny at the top from the polyester stitches under the skin where my hernia was fixed. I'm a little worried about how it will feel if they tear as I stretch. My nails are always rough from projects like stripping and sanding furniture, and I live in old navy leggings and sports bras (usually with a tank over it). This is real life, people.

7AM: Violet wakes up around the time Bobby leaves for work. There's no sleeping through the morning sickness or even cuddling in bed while I wait for the caffeine to hit me. Nope. She needs breakfast ASAP or the cranky pants come on.

8AM: We load up with waters and snacks and walk. Now that I'm not running, I try to walk a couple miles in the morning and again in the evening. Sometimes we meet up with a neighbor who is also a pregnant toddler mom, but often it's just a thirty minute prayer walk. We do this early partially because of the heat, but mostly because I'm not a morning person and this is the best way to keep her quiet while I begin my day.

8:30AM: I try to do chores like dishes and laundry, usually while having my pants pulled down by a whiny kiddo who, for some reason, wants me to sit on the couch while she pulls out every single lego. Independence is not her forte. I am constantly struggling in a battle over getting things done and being an invested mom.

10AM: Morning nap (hallelujah). I try to have the coffee brewed and my second breakfast cooked before I put her down so that I don't waste too much time being lazy. I eat while watching really loud TV so that I can pretend I don't hear the drone of "maaaaaamaaaaaaa" coming from her room while she falls asleep. Then I'll finish up those chores I probably haven't gotten far with, and sit down to a project. I'll paint or garden or buy/list on craigslist if I'm just pooped. I know I'll get the most out of my day now, when I'm freshly caffeinated, so I try to really kill it during this nap.

Noon: She wakes up hungry, so I feed her a portion of my breakfast in my lap while we cuddle and watch either a Bill Nye or Buffy. Moderation, people. If we need to run errands, this is usually when we go if she eats well and is in a good mood. Otherwise we wait for dad because public tantrums are the worst. I also try to get my 30-minute weight training in over the course of at least an hour (because she feeds me snacks, sits on me, pulls down my pants, unties my shoes, climbs the kitchen cabinets, etc. while I'm working out). When she was smaller I would try to do work things on the kitchen island while she played, but now she sees my distractions as a chance to scale the walls and furniture. She climbs everything, she's constantly breaking things I thought she couldn't get to, and she gets a lot of bumps and bruises in the process. 

3PM: This is a tricky time. She usually won't nap, but she is so very tired that she falls, cries, and laughs in endless cycles. The teething has made her a little more likely to get that second nap in lately, but a lot of the time we just cuddle and read on the floor of her room during those spurts of exhaustion. The afternoon can be the sweetest time, or the most likely to send me into a downward spiral. Oh, and if she doesn't nap, we eat a lot of goldfish or cereal. I have found that putting her in her crib with a baby doll and some books can lead to a nice hour of "rest" where she will play and maybe cat nap while I can grab a quicky shower** or recharge with a cup of tea.

5PM: We walk again, especially if that nap never happened. I usually have meat defrosting for dinner and a load of laundry fluffing to fold when we get back.

6PM: I try to cook dinner and get all the laundry and dishes put away, but usually nothing gets done until I hear the magic "beep beep beep beep" of the front door unlocking and the little pitter patter of Violet running to greet her daddy. They play and cuddle and watch basketball while I collect myself a little and finish my to-dos. Then we eat as a family, usually taking turns helping Violet. It can be peaceful, or it can be crazy.

7:30PM: Violet gets a bath (her favorite), and then a bottle if she hasn't eaten well that day. It sucks how I had weaned her entirely from bottles and pacifiers a month before she started teething these 2-year molars, and now she's been eating so poorly she has to have a bottle almost every night. boo. But it does generally make bedtime all the smoother.

8PM: Violet is in bed, the grown ups are likely falling asleep on the couch***.

**I only wash and fix my hair twice a week now. It saves me so  much time and has actually really improved my self-confidence. I used to spend almost 2 hours a day primping, usually to see no one but my husband and toddler, and now a quick thirty minutes gets me showered, lotioned, a little baby powder brushed in my temples on day three to dry up any oils, and dressed in a rotation of my favorite leggings, compression socks, and either a loose boyfriend tee or a tank top. I only wear make up if we are going out or if I need to feel beautiful on a hard day. 

***Sometimes we'll have Pinterest dates after V's bedtime where we plan dream vacations or design our future house. Those are the best. Sometimes he'll watch basketball or do work things or our taxes and I'll paint or sew or craft for the nursery. We just try to spend our nights in the same room, even if we are wrapped up in different things. But popcorn and/or grilled cheese is almost always involved.

laundry: bringing me shoes to go on walks, books to read her, shutting the dryer constantly, refolding the towels three times, and being pantsed. 

primping: all the pretty things in the whole room (even her bathwash and the toilet paper) on the counter, out of reach.

primping part two: holding the toilet shut with my toes while she plays with bath toys, socks, books, and stolen dishes.

This is a contraction, caught on camera. See how my belly contracts into a weird torpedo balloon? Crazy stuff. Having a toddler and spurts of contractions is a tricky balance. We compensate with snacks and floor-cuddles.

weeks 21 & 22

       Last week I saw my doctor to review our anatomy scan (isn't baby adorable?!), and to talk about my contractions. I was expecting her to reassure me that everything was normal and that I had nothing to be concerned about, because that's usually what happens when you have weird pregnancy symptoms. Not this time. She ended up being just about as concerned as I've been the past few weeks, and told me to start tracking them when they begin. This way I can hopefully spot any early labor signs before they get too far along to stop. Since I often had contractions after runs, I've retired earlier than planned at nearly 400 miles. I'm still proud, and I feel like it was the right choice with the gravity of the situation. So we walk now. A lot. We just combined our day-to-day stroller with our jogger with the Double City Select, and we LOVE it. Like Violet loves it so much that she cries when we finish our walks. 

       While Dad and Ashley were here, we picked the new nursery color (finally!), and got tons of work done. We installed our new Murphy Bed in the office, creating a new dual function guest room. We also converted Bobby's mom's antique toddler bed into a combination toddler day bed / full size bed. This way not only can V not roll out of bed (she's a major mover), but it's going to last us a good long while. I've also stripped, painted, and sealed the changing station. Basically, its been a super productive week, and I'm on track to have the nursery finished when we leave for vacation next month. Whoohooooo!

       This week I've been exhausted, but otherwise am feeling pretty good. Getting up off the floor can be tricky, but I'm taking advantage of my able-body for as long as I can. Violet is getting her 2 year-old molars, and all this dehydration business is causing some migraines. The two do not nix well. But I hold her as much as she'll let me, and take advantage of every nap time (where she may be backsliding into her pacifier habit a bit...). Lily has been getting more and more mobile, but she's more of a wiggler than a kicker which has been so sweet!