she's a girl!

we're adding another GIRL to our fam jam!

We took a ton of gender reveal pictures yesterday, and wouldn't you know it the lens was super smudged and every picture looks like abstract art. Oh well, we are so excited that neither of us really care! 

week 15

First of all, sorry I teased about the gender so early! I promise promise promise that we are going to share our big fat news this weekend!

       This week, I've felt some serious relief from morning sickness and I've gotten back enough energy to hit the ground running both literally and figuratively. While long runs started to leave me really sick and dehydrated towards the end of January and I made the heavy decision to drop out of my half marathon, I've set the goal of tallying up 500 miles this pregnancy. And I'm still on track! I also went completely Leslie Knope with my to-do list last weekend and have a "baby-prep" binder to help me get all of the things (some even rational) done before my due date. I used the spring cleaning guide from the Spring Magnolia Journal along with my own experience with nesting to create the most thorough cleaning list that has ever existed, I'm working on my own recipe book complete with it's own grocery lists, and I'm reorganizing/revitalizing every nook and crany of the house from the closets to the wall tree from top to bottom. I am so nervous and overwhelmed at what having both a newborn and a toddler will look like that it would keep me up at night if I'd let it, so I'm trying to channel these super-sized nerves into over preparing. 

Looks like its working, because I've been sleeping like a rock lately!

week 14 / gender tease

Now that I'm finally in my second trimester (and had two extra sets of hands this weekend, thanks in-laws!), I've gotten the chance to start some bumpdates! Obviously, the belly popped out a little earlier this time 'round due to my diastasis recti and being just as pregnant just two years ago. And I am loving it. Really, it feels so right to rub the pooch and show it off. 

Now for the big fat crazy news...

WE KNOW THE GENDER!

It is the only thing I wanted for my birthday, and even though the test results took a little long and we found out later than our wishes, I got the best email on Tuesday and mailed out the sweetest cards to our families yesterday morning. Below I've added my comparison symptoms to the Old Wives Tales card I made for Violet's gender reveal. It's been pretty neat to compare the pregnancies,  though they've been pretty similar. I'd say the biggest difference has been having less nausea and more hip and back pain with this one so far (but that could just be because I'm busy chasing and carrying a toddler all the time!).

Compare the lists, admire the bumpiness, and let me know what you think: are we blue or pink?!

best christmas / answered prayers

     My pregnancy with Violet began with a whole lot of prayer and anxiety. For months before we officially began trying, I fasted, prayed, and prepared my body as best I could. And then through our months of waiting came more and more of this focused behavior. Once the pregnancy was confirmed, we were over the moon. But the anxiety remained. There was no heartbeat at our first ultrasound, and my symptoms were so similar to the pregnancy I'd lost earlier in the year. We waited a full trimester to tell anyone besides our parents and sisters, and even then I was crippled with the fear that we would tell our grandparents, miscarry, and kill them with the news. Not exaggerating- that was a serious fear of mine as a few were in grave health. Once I hit 26 weeks I began to seek hope in instagram photos of viable premies and success stories. At every ultrasound, even at 35 weeks when she was moving constantly, I feared there would be no heartbeat or a serious malformation. I really did enjoy a lot of my pregnancy, especially once I could feel her inside of me, but fear and anxiety over her little life was always present.

     At last year's Super Bowl party a friend casually asked me when we were going to have another baby. And I almost started sobbing right there in my nachos. Even though I'd always wanted to have my children close in age, I just couldn't bear the thought of repeating the process of waiting, trying, and all the anxiety again so soon. maybe ever. I tried to explain my disorganized thoughts and fears, and my friend told me she would start praying that our next baby would come on its own. I loved that. So I also started praying that God would bless us with more babies in His own time, in His own way.

     Last spring I had an ovarian cyst rupture, and I was put on very high doses of estrogen (a common birth control in lower doses). The thought of having more kids was overwhelming (guys, parenting is hard), so there was some peace of mind with this treatment. But my issues with cysts continued, and the anxiety of when to plan for a second baby started creeping in. I mean, obviously God was going to need our intervention since I was temporarily sterilized, right? This fall I was at my breaking point with the pain of six cysts on a single ovary and I asked all of our friends to pray for complete healing. And about a week later, both of these tremendous prayers were answered in one fell swoop.

     I didn't bother with a pregnancy test until I was over a week late, and even then I was sure it would be negative. My cysts had made me irregular for several months and I was sure this was a fluke. But it was of course no fluke at all. I went on a long run and took a hot shower while I tried to wrap my mind around what was happening. It took me hours and an episode of TWD to buck up and tell Bobby. I'd edited our Christmas card photos earlier that day and I photo-shopped one to read "Big Sister." He shocked me. He was literally expecting it. He said that during church that morning he had a little daydream of Violet and her little sister playing together. He wasn't shocked, or terrified, or even surprised. I was!

     We handed out those modified Christmas cards to our families as soon as we rolled into town for Christmas, just a week later. The few that were surprised were thrilled, but so many people told me they'd dreamed of me coming home pregnant. We were surrounded with comfort, excitement, and a supernatural peace. We told most of our extended family on Christmas, sending Violet into the cottage in a "Big Sister" outfit. Sharing the news before we'd seen any evidence of life was such a test of faith. We were both uneasy about it, but couldn't pass up the opportunity to share the news in person. My sweet Aunt Kami invited us to her ultrasound boutique the day after Christmas, and we received the greatest gift of all - the sweetest little flutter of a heartbeat in our little 7 week peanut. She even took a recording of it and put it in a little lamb. It is now one of my most treasured trinkets.

     The Lord has been so incredibly good to us throughout this new journey. Though my heart still races with fear leading up to ultrasounds, so much of my anxiety has been replaced with joy and excitement. At only 12 and an half weeks we got to see our baby move their arms and legs, suck their thumb, and we even counted digits. It is wild that so many people wouldn't consider that little fetus with all of its organs developed, a four chambered heart, hair on its head, drinking and digesting fluid, and moving in response to touch a person. The same night I felt my first little flutter. I felt Violet at 14 weeks, and this one even earlier, and I cannot explain the joy and peace of feeling your baby. I don't think the pregnancy seemed quite real to me before, but with every movement I grow more attached.