week 24

cravings:  nothing much

aversions:  chicken, especially when raw, but cooked doesn't really appeal to me either 

symptoms:  UTI and the horrors that accompany, nightmares, heartburn, kidney-pelvis-rib jabs as V explores her cramped quarters, itchy skin

movement:  She moves so much with so much strength that it can be painful. She's running out of room in there and letting me know it. The belly is itching like crazy so hopefully it will give a little throughout the week so that we can both have a bit more room. 

weight gain:  just a pound shy of my starting weight! Doctor is happy, so we're happy too. 

fears:  Slight early labor scare this week that ended up just being a weird UTI. Apparently the symptoms with pregnancy are slightly different than they've been my whole life, so it took some time to catch. But this is so much better than actually going into labor this early. Bring on the cranberries. 

general mood:  I've been very stressed this past week due to finals and other things, but I've submitted all my papers which is a huge burden off my back. Today will be a happy day.

sleep:  Haha. I dreamt of editing papers, forgetting about papers, and rushing to complete papers all week long. Luckily I slept rather solidly the last night or so because I was getting no rest. 

surprised by:  My lacking of stretch marks (knock on wood). I got a couple teeny ones on my hips early on, but I've been lathering with raw coconut oil and/or Ghanaian karite oil once or twice daily and taking vitamin E and fish oil since I first saw them. And so far the only marks on my belly are a star-shaped flat belly button and some peach fuzz. 

looking forward to:  My dad is coming this weekend! And Bobby and I will be making some pretty huge baby-prep steps over the next couple weeks that I'll be sharing here soon ;)

best / worst moments:  The very best moment of the week will be disclosed in a day or two, but a close second was submitting my final pre-baby paper. Twenty pages. So nice to be able to focus on V for the next few months. The worst moment was a really sweet nurse taking all of my stats as she mentally prepared me for labor before her tests were concluded (the tests that came back to reveal that I was actually not about to have a baby). She freaked me out a bit and made me feel extremely unprepared. 

bobby is:   A total gentleman. He helps me down the stairs safely when the rail is dirty, he pulls me out of his (very low) car seats, and he literally helps roll me out of bed when the basketball on my torso prevents me from sitting up on my own. I have a feeling he'll soon be tying my shoes too, reaching my feet requires me to hold my breath and grunt. 

maternity clothes:  I will be in the market for some shorts and long tanks this weekend. It is so too hot for pants, not to mention I'm just really really over pants, especially with this UTI. 

week 23

cravings:  fruit in general, caprese salad, coconut fruit bars, and just about everything I can't have (sushi, creamy cranberry stilton cheese, raw cookie dough, sweetwater)

aversions:  anything with a strong smell from raw chicken (hey it smells strongly to me), to cooking eggs, and even windex. 

symptoms:  stress over worthy things (writing research papers) and silly things (not being able to nest adequately without having her room yet). Not having a registry was such a distraction Saturday while I did homework that I upped and left for Target on a whim and registered. Also, migraines and the puking that still happens 2-3 times a week. 

movement:  I guess it's just that she's getting bigger and stronger because the movement is nearly constant. And it's not all kicks. I'll feel her adjust ever so slightly or stretch her little body with her head in my kidney and feet against my pelvis. It's cool to watch my shirt move when she's really getting around. 

fears:  Fear isn't really my thing so much as the anxiety of being unprepared. I mean who expects a woman not even six months pregnant to have her bags packed, birth plan typed and printed, and nursery stocked and ready? Yet not having a birth method locked down or a stroller researched and chosen really freaked me out this week. And I couldn't shake it, so I gave in and did what I could creating registries (which I'll share once we have a more permanent address) and researching birth methods. I chose the Hypnobabies home study based on its incredible reviews, a friends wonderful experience, and its openness to medical intervention when necessary. And I registered for it wink wink. 

general mood:  Anxious and moody. Moody-moods ranging from really happy, really down, and really clingy to that baby-daddy of mine.

sleep:  I downloaded the White Noise Lite app for iPhone by TMSoft this week to mask the noises that have been interrupting my (very light) sleep. It takes a ton of battery, so keep your phone plugged in, but it works so incredibly well. Though it has a dozen or so sounds, I like the brown noise which covers my ceiling fan and street noise but isn't noticeable on its own after a minute or two. I still have to deal with a pup who won't make up his mind on where to sleep and with a growing kiddo who loves to sleep parallel and facing me, digging stretching feet into my bladder, but things are improving somewhat. 

surprised by:  how fast time is flying by. This morning I was reflecting with a friend on how fast the past two years have gone by (happy anniversary you guys!), and even just this semester has felt like a drop in the hat to me. This does not help the anxiety I've been feeling (so much to do and so little time!) but it is exciting to think of how fast these next few months will pass until we see her face. Swoon. 

looking forward to:  This is my last week of school, so I'm excited to get it out of the way and focus on the big things coming our way (more on that later this week). Also so ready to start birthing classes as a weekly date night with Bobby. 

best / worst moments:  Top moments included introducing Bear to his new creepy baby doll (he is so unsure about the thing), getting my nesting fix by registering, and buying  all the foods I wanted Wednesday night. Worst moments have been pelvic pain and more frequent trips to the lady's, both of which probably stem from my skipping the gym and my squats for far too long. That changes today though, I am determined. 

bobby is:  In love, with V and with me. I've become somewhat self conscious about some of the changes my body's making (like how next to nothing fits me now), and he's not only super supportive, but really amazed at how I've been built with this incredible purpose and ability to grow little humans. He thinks I'm beautiful even when I don't. We've been in love for so long that we are both quite surprised by a new-found honeymoon phase where we miss each other during the days and want to be together as much as possible. It's high school all over again. 

maternity clothes:  um I need some. My shirts are all belly shirts. My dresses (if they fit over the bump at all) ride up with each step. My two pairs of maternity pants still fit decently, but pants in general are a bit of an annoyance at this point and it's getting hot over here in Houston. It's just hard to spend money on stuff you know you won't wear for long, and time to shop during finals - yeah right. 

rings:  off. Around my neck on a chain when they match my clothes. Luckily my shoes fit better than last week. But it looks like my fat fingers are here to stay. 

22 weeks & her name

After hours and hours of arguing over names in the days leading up to our gender reveal, there was a brief moment where in a sea of "no's" there was an "I like Violet, too." This was not a magical moment where her name fell into place and the arguing ceased, but it was the first time we had agreed in so so long. We continued rejecting each other's name suggestions for the rest of the evening, went and ate the most amazing steaks fathomable, and slept on it. Neither of us can remember having a moment where we knew that was her name, if she was even a she, but we were connecting. On Saturday morning he told me he almost hoped it was a girl just because we would never agree on a boy name in a million years. And I thought, does that mean we agree on a girl name? Moments after the balloons came out of the box, pink and beautiful and perfect, we excused ourselves to an empty bedroom, shut the door, and wept in joy. He prayed over our girl, we thanked God for that moment, our pregnancy, our daughter. And he called her Violet. So that was her name. 

I could say her name had deep meaning of a beautiful flower blossoming in our lives and whatever. But her story is one of a deep intimacy and connection at such a pivotal time in our marriage, not picking names from their meanings from a baby book. 

Penelope has a little more meaning, and I was tickled when it fit so well with Violet. Penelope has been on my name list for some time now, and was inspired by Odysseus's wife. She was a woman of tremendous patience and loyalty. The journey to parenthood has been been a long and challenging one for me. From the day I was given the heart-wrenching news that conceiving would most likely be  hard, maybe out of the cards, I anticipated the challenge of patience. And then only months later, as I was accepting my fate and praying over adoption, we were surprised with a pregnancy. And then I lost that baby. I went from disappointment and anxiety to acceptance and peace to joy and excitement to utter pain and despair. It was a whirlwind, It was a four month roller-coaster and I just wanted off. My faith was shaken, our marriage was challenged and I shut down for a bit. It was the ultimate test of patience and loyalty. After a season of prayer and transition, we wanted another chance. Time progressed and things weren't happening. And after a few months of more patience, she came to be. So long story short, Penelope fits our story. It was the first name I wrote when we were discussing middle names and we both really loved the sound of Violet Penelope Graham. 

cravings:  bananas, burgers, coke floats. I need some whataburger in my life like today. 

aversions:  water. pretty inconvenient. 

symptoms:  crying at the drop of a hat, leg cramps, huge ankles, morning sickness few times a week. 

movement:  I can feel her presence even when she isn't kicking, which is pretty neat. She wakes me up with her kicks and deep stretches, and that is starting to get less cute and more bothersome. 

fears:  having to drive myself to the hospital on misty, rainy interstates when the time comes. In Houston, the rain is messy and the street lines disappear. 

general mood:  Emotional. If I'm happy I'm so happy, if I'm upset I'm completely broken, if I'm stressed its unshakable.

sleep:  I miss sound sleep. Between V, Bear, and noises I feel like I just lay there most nights. 

surprised by:  the emotional roller coaster I'm on, how soon she'll be here, how flat my belly button has become, how insanely responsive she is to Bobby. She knows him, and that's so incredible. 

looking forward to:  Putting together her room and her nook in our room. I have so many ideas and I can't wait to put them into practice. 

best / worst moments:  The best moments have been sharing her name with friends and family. And calling her by name, it makes her even more real. The worst moment was driving on the worst highway in Houston in the nasty rain. The good certainly outweighs the bad. 

bobby is:   He's formed a bond with her already. She responds to his touch and voice about as much as to mine. I went on a women's retreat this weekend and when I got home she went nuts kicking and moving for him. 

maternity clothes:  I'm living in maxi skirts and dresses, pants are getting annoying. Also my fat feet are starting to affect the shoes I wear. Lame. 

21 weeks & our gender reveal!

 

 

 

cravings:  beef, pineapple, Sweetwater (sigh)

aversions:  the sweets and the eggs

symptoms:  Major exhaustion, morning sickness, eating all the time, sporadic emotions, and binges of Gilmore Girls. 

movement:  This morning I saw her move! It was wild and amazing but she's really getting around in there!

weight gain:  probably a lot. The scale is still dead, but I have eaten so much in the past week and only puked once. 

fears:  Not a one. If the balloons had been blue, I'd be afraid we would never agree on a name, but they were pink!

general mood:  tired, but so happy

sleep:  late nights and early mornings with sound sleep in between. Definitely getting better. 

surprised by:  how intense the movement had gotten this week. I can practically make out feet and butt. And she responds to touch and sound. Bobby hums on my belly and I talk to her through a stethoscope. 

looking forward to:   Meeting our daughter in four months, give or take. I can't describe the yearning to hold her in my arms. Oh, and seeing Bobby hold her because I can't imagine how much he'll love her after seeing his reaction to pink balloons. 

best / worst moments:  There were so many best moments this week. Bobby's face when her saw the balloons, (maybe) naming our daughter after a great deal of very fun arguing throughout our babymoon, seeing her kicks move my belly. The worst was the drive home which really wasn't all that bad since we spent most of it perusing middle names. 

bobby is:  ecstatic doesn't even cover it. He loves her so much. Watching his reaction when we opened that box was the most beautiful thing. 

maternity clothes:  my mom got me funny pregnancy undies from China, and they crack me up but totally feel better than half of my regular kind. 

gender: she's a girl!!!!!!!!! Our reveal was the happiest, most exciting moment of my life. It's crazy to me that nothing actually changed, but everything feels so incredibly different. We loved her before, but it's so much more personal now that we can picture her and get to practice names while rubbing her each night.