second trimester recap & week 28

cravings:  beef, citrus, broccoli

aversions:  no aversions so much, but my body doesn't seem to care for the burgers anymore. 

symptoms:  with her head pressing against my stomach all the time, the reflux is pretty annoying. The back and hip pain have reached a whole new level (excruciating), and I have to pee like all the time (little feet always in my bladder). Oh and the contractions... I have them everyday now and about half the time they are painful. It's a bit early for that, so I will definitely be discussing that with my doctor today. Weird last symptom, I cut myself shaving every time and I've done it prior to this like twice since I was eleven. My skin and blood are so thin that it just happens. 

movement:  her movement is less frequent but more intense. Space is running out, but she has to have her head up at all times, so she flips every time I roll over. And it's wild looking from the outside. 

fears:  I just want her to stay in there as long as possible, and not decide to make her debut on the drive through Louisiana. I've had nightmares about that. 

general mood:  I'm a bit irritable and whiny, because of the discomfort. I'm really really happy to be so incredibly blessed with such a healthy baby and pregnancy so far, but back pain is a real downer.

sleep:  what's that? Between flooding and thunderstorms paired with a kicking feet in my sensitive bladder, it's been a week full of short bursts of sleep. I'm a fan of naps. 

surprised by:  Her sweet stubborness. She will not flip upside-down or lay sideways even though she's super duper cramped in there. She likes to be held tight, just like her mama. Another huge shock - I ate a corn dog and I liked it. I really am carrying Bobby's genes and it is so so weird. 

looking forward to:  Florida! We are going home next week for my sister's graduation and V's baby shower. I couldn't be more excited to get to love on my family and get to see some dear friends one last time before we become a party of three. I'm also planning to get some maternity photos on the beach, which I'm stoked about! 

best / worst moments:  I went swimming this weekend and it was pure magic. She went nuts in the water and I suddenly felt not pregnant in a great, pain free way. Worst moment happened when I had a long and painful contraction whilst driving in in traffic at a major interstate intersection. It was not easy to focus and breathe at the same time. 

bobby is:   Thrilled that we ate corn dogs together as a family. He loves when she does things that seem very "him." He feels very connected to her, and is so ready to get a turn to hold her. 

maternity clothes:  Today I'm going to hunt down a lovely dress for my maternity photos and showers. If I can find a dress half this amazing and get even one picture half as breathtaking, I will be so pleased. 

week 27

cravings:  citrus all day long, dreaming of Chicfila lemonade

aversions:  eggs, but I'm sweet and I let Bobby cook them the other night. The house didn't smell that bad.

symptoms:  heartburn, Braxton Hicks contractions, nausea, lower back pain

movement:  when she's sleeping she's sleeping. But when she's awake, oh my. She can get her feet and elbows up under my ribs now tends to hang out right side up with her head right below my ribs. Sometimes it's uncomfortable, but mostly it's just really neat to feel her there.

fears:  never sleeping soundly and/or through the night ever again. 

general mood:  quite happy, but I cry even do like all the time over every little thing.

sleep:  I wish Bear would take advantage of our new king-sized bed, but he chooses to get right up on me and bite himself all night long. But V isn't keeping me up so much, her sleep patterns are getting a little more regular. 

surprised by:  how in-demand hospital tours are. I called yesterday to try to get one this weekend and ended up with an appointment mid June, wild! 

looking forward to:  playing outside with her on warm summer evenings next year while Bobby works in the garden. Last night I watched him out there, banned from bending over to weed, just imagining how full our hearts will be when she joins us in our day to day lives. 

best / worst moments:  my best moment was realizing that moving to the burbs doesn't mean we've given up our Houston community. This weekend we went to a bonfire one night, a movie the next, and we're surrounded by adopted family on Sunday when Bobby got dunked. And I guess the worst moment was finding three frogs in our yard so far. Yuck. 

bobby is:  smitten as ever. He wants get to just be here already, and I can't blame him. I'm really excited to start our classes together so that he can get more involved in the baby prep. 

maternity clothes:  I bought that dress I'm wearing on the cheap at Walmart because my closet seems to be shrinking. All of my shirts are too short. I tend to live in sweat pants, sports bras, and tanks that sneak up over my belly. Luckily I only have to wear "real clothes" like twice a week.

week 26

cravings:  captain crunch, bananas, but nothing serious

aversions:  same ole same ole, keep the eggs far away. 

symptoms:  heartburn, heartburn, more heartburn 

movement:  so much, so often, and it's easy to prompt her to move now with our voices and light touches. She's most active in the dead of night which is a bit unfortunate for my sleep cycle.

fears:  not a one!

general mood:  generally pretty happy. But when I get grumpy or weepy eyed I sort of have to ride it out, I can't just choose to be happy when I wear my emotions on my sleeve.

sleep:  so much better in the new house with its lack of city noises, but suffering a bit from about 2-3am when V decides to get her exercise.

surprised by:  how soon she'll be here! At first I felt like the days were crawling by as slow as possible, but now the weeks are slipping through my fingers. While I'm stoked to finally meet her, there is a lot to do in the time remaining.

looking forward to:  getting her room set up and stocked. We are officially moved in to our house and the unpacking has begun. Hopefully I'll get furniture in her room by the week's end.

best / worst moments:  Some of this week's highlights have been getting to do things with friends several nights and soaking up community in these last months as a party of 2. I know we won't suddenly become shut-ins when V comes, but I know that there will be a serious adjustment period. So we want to live it up while we can! Mother's Day was hard, but also so incredibly full of love. A blessing in disguise. 

bobby is:  She recognizes his voice now, I think. She starts moving just about every time he gets close and talks. He loves talking to her and feeling her respond, especially when she kicks his face.

maternity clothes:  I live in like three maternity tanks, leggings, and cute kimonos and sweaters. I have quit real pants.

empty arms on mother's day

Last Mother's Day I was in Rome, where it was just an ordinary Sunday. We didn't plan it that way, but it was a happy coincidence. In the middle of our move I'd nearly forgotten that today was Mother's Day and coincidentally baby dedication, and my wonderful church community transformed what could have so easily been a day of raw, painful emotions into a genuine blessing. Throughout this pregnancy, I've often felt a sense of guilt over not hurting as much over the loss of my January baby. Don't get me wrong-this healing has been miraculous and has made me a different woman than I was a year ago. But not hurting daily hurts too. Today that pain was flipped. When I saw those babies and their mamas at the alter it broke me. I should have had one up there too, and I didnt. Pain. Tears. Guilt for the pain and tears because without that loss Violet would not be growing within me. Why can't I just feel the joy of being blessed with this amazing little girl? But the church that has become such a family to us didn't just cater their message to the mom's, but specifically encouraged those of us who have longed so much to have a family, who have struggled with loss and infertility and the spiritual turmoil that comes with waiting. It meant so much to know that I was not alone. 

To the mamas still waiting, His plan is good and His ways are perfect, even when we cannot possibly understand. You are not alone. I've encountered so much love and healing by other women who have shared their pain and by sharing my own loss with others. I've found strength and comfort in the promises below in the past year, and I hope that they can bring peace to another should-be mama who's hurting too. 

Romans 8:28

Exodus 14:14

Luke 1:45

2 Kings 20:5

Psalm 27:14

week 25

Sorry for the iPhone photography and being a day late, moving sucks away time and we are yet to have wifi! A better photo will replace this one soon...

cravings:  chic fil a, but avoiding it for heartburn's sake. Over all I'm just really hungry like all the time. 

aversions:  eggs and my toothbrush

symptoms:  serious acid reflux, major back pain, a bit of nausea, crazy stressful dreams. 

movement:  fewer than last week, but I think that's thanks to some serious expansion that's been happening. Now that she has some more room she and I both are much more comfortable. 

fears:  The fears are all in my dreams including having twins without knowing it and not having a second name, not having diapers, forgetting to tell bobby I was in labor, getting stuck in traffic alone on the drive to the hospital, and BJ Novak being my OB (I blame that one on watching Knocked Up in the gym the other day). 

general mood:  exhausted. And if I get cranky it's really hard to stop being cranky, even if I know it's for silly reasons like my husband getting chic fil a without me.

sleep:  sometimes great, sometimes awful. The acid reflux has arrived, so if I lay on one pillow I feel the acid rising, but if I sleep with two pillows I can't get comfortable. And the nightmares, ugh. 

surprised by:  My growth and her growth. I don't get another sono for a really long time, but she's huge and I can feel her in my right ribs, my lower left side, and my bladder all at the same time right now. She's really getting big in there, maybe that's why I'm dreaming of twins? 

looking forward to:  Finishing her nursery furniture. Dad and Ashley came out this weekend with all of my nursery furniture and some odds and ends, painted her nursery (so beautiful!), and got us half way moved into our new house. Now that she has a room and furniture, I'm really excited to spruce it up. 

best / worst moments:  The best moment was sleeping in my bed in my own house and getting to wake up and make waffles for my folks. I'm really starting to feel at home here in Texas, but having family here is always such a blessing. And of course the hardest moment was saying goodbye. But I'll be back there soon and I got to come home to a lovely little nursery and a bunch of finished projects. 

bobby is:   so stoked to be a homeowner and so ready to be a dad. He talks about how he's so ready to hold her and teach her to say things like "brother bear" and "go gators." And I think he's nearly as relieved as I am to have a room and a bed for her now. 

maternity clothes:  I finally got shorts. I honestly haven't even worn shorts in like two years when I worked summers outside, but between pregnancy, Texas heat, moving, and summer quickly approaching, these cute chambray bar stripes called out to me. I also got a couple tanks that actually cover the belly without sneaking up the bump so that I can be nice and cool but still look appropriate. 

we bought a house

With our lease ending in June and Bobby's commute recently doubling, moving south of town was already looking good pre-Violet. And then we were blessed with our girl. So a move was really necessary (and I was dreading being 7 months pregnant and hauling my super-sized self up two flights of stairs each time the pup needed a potty). We started our search pretty early, expecting it to take us a while to find a place, bid, and actually have an offer accepted because houses were flying off the market down in Pearland. So on our first day we looked at a house we'd seen online and it fit our general criteria. It wasn't our dream home, but I thought "maybe this will be easier than I'd thought, maybe this could work." And then the realtor told us about a similar house that had just gone on the market. A fast-moving estate sale. We went to see it immediately, and it fit the bill perfectly. I'd expected to have to tone down at least one of our "must-haves" be it my high kitchen standards, a wood fire place, or a really stellar deep tub. But this beautiful, five year old craftsman with high ceilings throughout, in a neighborhood full of children, with lovely flowers planted in every nook and cranny was everything we'd asked for, maybe more. We put in our offer later that night and the unthinkable happened - they accepted within 24 hours of listing.

Now the actual buying process has not been nearly as dreamy as actually finding the house, but let's just say its kismet that we started the process so early. But all of our trouble stemmed from getting an aggravating loan required for the incredible grant that covered almost all of our closing costs. So it was stressful, but worth it. On Tuesday, April 21, we signed and initialed paperwork for over an hour and left with our house keys. It was such a happy, lighthearted, giddy afternoon of having all of the stresses behind us and having the home where we'd be starting our family in front of us. Surreal guys.

Highlights of our time since then:

• Our first time walking in, he carried me (and V) over the threshold.
• We found the sweetest note from the daughter who had to sell her mother's house. I plan to keep it taped in the cabinet where we found it.
• While setting up the new lawn mower, we met the family from accross the street and a next door neighbor. They pointed to three houses of new mom's because they knew I'd need community.
• I moved our kitchen before anything else, and I'm cooking chicken parm, Bobby's favorite, to celebrate our first dinner and first night in our first home.
• Dad and Ashley are driving in tomorrow with a truck load of furniture (including V's bedroom furniture, hooray for real nesting!), and I can't wait to show the place off.

Things I'm looking forward to about home-owning:

• I can open a door and let Bear tinkle all on his own in the wee hours of the morning. Hallelujah.
• I moved everything from our kitchen cabinets in our apartment and still had umpteen empty shelves, and a pantry. Space, space, and more space.
• Three bedrooms and a formal dining room AKA Violet get's her own room, we get our own room, we get to set up a guestroom/library and we will still have space for a huge office/play area for student mommy. 
• Baths where the water covers my knees (and maybe even both knees and boobs? say what?!).
• Our garden will actually be watered by the rain instead of covered by our balcony's roof.
• We have like 5 ceiling fans. Not having one (or even a ceiling light) in our apartment living room has been a challenge, especially in the hot-as- Hades Texas summers.
• I've already been invited for coffee be a neighbor with a baby who works from home. I love my friends here and afar, but having mommy-friends a stone's throw away sounds like a dream.
• It's ours. This means I can paint walls, build shelves, and not have to think about is it worth the work? because this is for the long haul. 

Photo dump tour (please forgive the formatting/quality of the pictures, we don't have wifi yet so this post is coming from the good ole iPhone):

Formal dining room (or in our case an office and playroom). 

Miss Violet's nursery, and this room has a twin right next to it. 

The guest bath. 

The living room (we have a fireplace ya'll!). 

A terribly photo of our really lovely master suite (that's going to be V's cradle nook in the corner). 

So our master bath is insane. 

... and too huge for one pic. 

And this is my room! Seriously though,I'd given up on having a nice kitchen in our starter house, and this blows.my.mind. 

Now smile at this picture of my cute dog.