week 28

       Hello dear friends! Sorry for the delay in getting this blog posted and in returning messages asking about my appointment this week. I honestly just couldn't handle the stress of talking about my test results - it literally gives me contractions. On Thursday I got a phone call from my PA's cell phone, red flag #1. She told me that my ffn had come back positive, and it felt like a punch to the gut. My appointment had gone so well; I wasn't dilated, my cervix wasn't as soft, and with the exception of one night of really terrible back-wrapping contractions, I had a really great week full of energy and limited discomfort (although I'd failed to mention my drive to clean underneath the fridge or that my colostrum had made a sudden and forceful appearance). But that positive test changed everything. A positive result means that the glue that seals my bag of waters to the inside of my uterus is breaking down, and that even though I'm not dilated, my cervix is no longer completely sealed (or this protein couldn't slip through). It means that there is greater than 50% of a chance that my body will go into true labor within ten days without interventions. And that is scary. Even though the chances of Lily's survival at this point are very high, even though my hospital has an incredible multi-tiered NICU, even though I've had two rounds of steroids to promote her lung, bowel, and brain development, it is so scary to think of bringing a 2.5 lb baby into the world whose eye lids are still fused, whose skin is still so sensitive and thin that touch would cause pain, who could not eat or regulate temperature on her own. My thoughts have been one big fat run-on sentence for the last two days.

       So I have been put on complete bed rest. I have a prescription for albuterol that I am to take as soon as any contractions start, and if they still continue I will go to the hospital for a Magnesium IV and monitoring. We are taking every precaution to prevent preterm labor. Bobby will be home with me and V next week, and then my mom and sister will arrive. I asked what exactly bed rest meant, and the first thing she said was "it means childcare, full time." Easier said than done. I think that maybe the spurt of energy I've had over the last two weeks was the nesting bug. Luckily I got our house scrubbed top to bottom during that time, so maybe I can squash that bug and really get some serious rest now that I have to. 

       To kick off resting, we are taking a little staycation in the city at an AirBnb with a nice pool and zero projects to do. Though I'm totally jealous of my in-laws in Hawaii (Elizabeth, your pictures look AMAZING), I'm so glad we cancelled our trip and stayed back. P.S. I'm using Bobby's laptop for this post since we're out of house, so that is why the formatting is a little off ;)

week 27

       Happy Friday! This week has been such a good, restful week for our fam-jam. Resting has continued to help manage my contractions and keep pelvic pressure to a minimum, and we are so thankful! We've also experienced such a peace of mind in knowing that Lily has been growing like a weed this week after my two rounds of steroid injections. Boy have I felt their effects! My belly really needs to "pop," because right now a glass of water fills my stomach to an uncomfortable level. Real Estate is getting tight up in there, I'll tell ya. I've also really struggled with sleep this week, between being overall uncomfortable coupled with my heart pounding constantly. 

       My Fetal Fibronectin test from last Friday came back negative, meaning that the chances of my labor becoming active within two weeks of the test are very low. My doctor will retest again at the end of this week, and hopefully this will help us prevent any unnecessary and risky preterm labor interventions and drugs. We are so grateful for a team of doctors who work so hard to keep my pregnancy healthy and who also take the time and effort to help us understand all of their concerns, tests, and treatments. I feel like a person, I feel like my baby is also a person to them, and I feel like we are both top priorities in their care.

       My swelling is coming back a bit, and I've put my rings away for the long haul. Next stop, new clown shoes! Just kidding, I hardly wear shoes! It might just be my favorite part of this whole partial bed rest thing.

week 26

       First of all, thanks so much for all the love and prayers this week. From Violet's sleeping schedule to decreased contractions, we certainly feel heard. By pushing Violet's bedtime to 9:30, she has slept until after 11AM three days this week, making rest much more attainable. By making rest a priority, my contractions have decreased in both number and strength, easing this mama's anxiety immensely.

       Today I was reexamined, and not a whole bunch has changed. While my cervix is still soft, it is still sealed up tight (praise). She ran some tests for a protein that develops near the start of active labor, and we should get those results on Monday. Since rest seems to be helping, we are waiting for those results to see if the anti-labor drugs are worth the risk for mom and baby, but we are proceeding with steroid injections to help Lily's lungs get strong really fast in case she comes early. 

       Violet has gotten some face-time with real life little babies this week, and she is so awe-stuck and gentle that it melts my heart! She will point and whisper "beeeebeeeee!!" and then run to my belly and do the same to my bump. I love watching her make these connections and can't wait to see her meet her sister for the very first time.

       It really is a strange thing, to want so badly to meet Lily and see her face and hear her coos, but also to want more than anything for her to stay inside for a while longer. I want them both so badly it hurts sometimes.

week 25

      

        On Monday I met with my doctor to form "operation: keep baby cookin'," after four hours of regular, cringe-inducing contractions sent me to the hospital last Thursday. All of my preterm-labor tests came back negative, but by Monday my cervix felt soft and I was feeling a lot of pelvic pressure. My doctor and PA haven't been shy about their concern over contractions so early in my pregnancy, but after feeling them firsthand and checking my cervix, they were very concerned. I was given the "this woman may NOT travel" letter, cancelling our vacation plans, and put on partial bed rest for two weeks. Next Friday I will be reevaluated to see if these measures are helping, or if we need to add medication to prevent further cervical changes. Please pray specifically for that step not to be necessary - the reason they are waiting to prescribe this treatment is because the side-effects are risky for both mom and baby.

       Bed rest, even partial bed rest where I lay on the couch as much as I can, with a toddler is proving to be QUITE the challenge. Bobby's dad got here today, and Bailey relieves him next week, and help could not have come at a better time. By resting this week, other tasks (like loading Violet in the car, bending over to grab things, tending to spilled yogurt on the kitchen floor, etc.) have become so much harder. It's also really hard to feel my arms get flabbier and spots of cellulite pop back up after working so hard to get in shape after having a baby. It's all small potatoes compared to the goal at hand, but it's still hard to see my strength weaken so quickly.

       After a week of rest, I'm still feeling so much pressure against both my pubic symphysis and sacrum. I have contractions daily, but they have seemed to get less regular with rest and hydration. 

       In my boredom (which is literally only during naptime because moms aren't allowed to be bored), I've ordered everything we need for Lily, drafted a birth plan, and started my nesting to-dos since there's always a chance my next labor-scare may be the real deal. Her crib is still unpainted, and her room still has a disassembled guest-bed in the corner, and that may not change for a while. And I'd totally trade a pretty nursery for a healthy babe any day of the week. 

       This week we need prayers for patience, for my resting to be effective, and for Lily's lungs to develop at super speed. We can't wait to meet our girl, but she really needs us to wait a couple more months!