After hours and hours of arguing over names in the days leading up to our gender reveal, there was a brief moment where in a sea of "no's" there was an "I like Violet, too." This was not a magical moment where her name fell into place and the arguing ceased, but it was the first time we had agreed in so so long. We continued rejecting each other's name suggestions for the rest of the evening, went and ate the most amazing steaks fathomable, and slept on it. Neither of us can remember having a moment where we knew that was her name, if she was even a she, but we were connecting. On Saturday morning he told me he almost hoped it was a girl just because we would never agree on a boy name in a million years. And I thought, does that mean we agree on a girl name? Moments after the balloons came out of the box, pink and beautiful and perfect, we excused ourselves to an empty bedroom, shut the door, and wept in joy. He prayed over our girl, we thanked God for that moment, our pregnancy, our daughter. And he called her Violet. So that was her name.
I could say her name had deep meaning of a beautiful flower blossoming in our lives and whatever. But her story is one of a deep intimacy and connection at such a pivotal time in our marriage, not picking names from their meanings from a baby book.
Penelope has a little more meaning, and I was tickled when it fit so well with Violet. Penelope has been on my name list for some time now, and was inspired by Odysseus's wife. She was a woman of tremendous patience and loyalty. The journey to parenthood has been been a long and challenging one for me. From the day I was given the heart-wrenching news that conceiving would most likely be hard, maybe out of the cards, I anticipated the challenge of patience. And then only months later, as I was accepting my fate and praying over adoption, we were surprised with a pregnancy. And then I lost that baby. I went from disappointment and anxiety to acceptance and peace to joy and excitement to utter pain and despair. It was a whirlwind, It was a four month roller-coaster and I just wanted off. My faith was shaken, our marriage was challenged and I shut down for a bit. It was the ultimate test of patience and loyalty. After a season of prayer and transition, we wanted another chance. Time progressed and things weren't happening. And after a few months of more patience, she came to be. So long story short, Penelope fits our story. It was the first name I wrote when we were discussing middle names and we both really loved the sound of Violet Penelope Graham.
cravings: bananas, burgers, coke floats. I need some whataburger in my life like today.
aversions: water. pretty inconvenient.
symptoms: crying at the drop of a hat, leg cramps, huge ankles, morning sickness few times a week.
movement: I can feel her presence even when she isn't kicking, which is pretty neat. She wakes me up with her kicks and deep stretches, and that is starting to get less cute and more bothersome.
fears: having to drive myself to the hospital on misty, rainy interstates when the time comes. In Houston, the rain is messy and the street lines disappear.
general mood: Emotional. If I'm happy I'm so happy, if I'm upset I'm completely broken, if I'm stressed its unshakable.
sleep: I miss sound sleep. Between V, Bear, and noises I feel like I just lay there most nights.
surprised by: the emotional roller coaster I'm on, how soon she'll be here, how flat my belly button has become, how insanely responsive she is to Bobby. She knows him, and that's so incredible.
looking forward to: Putting together her room and her nook in our room. I have so many ideas and I can't wait to put them into practice.
best / worst moments: The best moments have been sharing her name with friends and family. And calling her by name, it makes her even more real. The worst moment was driving on the worst highway in Houston in the nasty rain. The good certainly outweighs the bad.
bobby is: He's formed a bond with her already. She responds to his touch and voice about as much as to mine. I went on a women's retreat this weekend and when I got home she went nuts kicking and moving for him.
maternity clothes: I'm living in maxi skirts and dresses, pants are getting annoying. Also my fat feet are starting to affect the shoes I wear. Lame.
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