Last Mother's Day I was in Rome, where it was just an ordinary Sunday. We didn't plan it that way, but it was a happy coincidence. In the middle of our move I'd nearly forgotten that today was Mother's Day and coincidentally baby dedication, and my wonderful church community transformed what could have so easily been a day of raw, painful emotions into a genuine blessing. Throughout this pregnancy, I've often felt a sense of guilt over not hurting as much over the loss of my January baby. Don't get me wrong-this healing has been miraculous and has made me a different woman than I was a year ago. But not hurting daily hurts too. Today that pain was flipped. When I saw those babies and their mamas at the alter it broke me. I should have had one up there too, and I didnt. Pain. Tears. Guilt for the pain and tears because without that loss Violet would not be growing within me.
Why can't I just feel the joy of being blessed with this amazing little girl? But the church that has become such a family to us didn't just cater their message to the mom's, but specifically encouraged those of us who have longed so much to have a family, who have struggled with loss and infertility and the spiritual turmoil that comes with waiting. It meant so much to know that I was not alone.
To the mamas still waiting, His plan is good and His ways are perfect, even when we cannot possibly understand. You are not alone. I've encountered so much love and healing by other women who have shared their pain and by sharing my own loss with others. I've found strength and comfort in the promises below in the past year, and I hope that they can bring peace to another should-be mama who's hurting too.
Romans 8:28
Exodus 14:14
Luke 1:45
2 Kings 20:5
Psalm 27:14
No comments:
Post a Comment